Just because we play with balls doesn't mean you have to be a dick.

So it's the bottom of the sixth. Up until we started this inning, we've been matching this team run for run and were only down by one. All we had to do was get three outs and we'd be up in the top of the seventh (well, the rest of the team, anyway ... I had been subbed out). Unfortunately, it was time for our one horrible inning and we couldn't get that first out. Run after run scored. We got one out, another couple of runs scored, and we got another out. It looked like we were starting to settle down a little and that third out was coming. But before we could pitch to the next batter, we heard "That's game, blue!" from their dugout.

The guys on the bench and I were confused. The umpire asked for the score. We were down by 10 runs. He conferred with their team member and then called the game. We'd been mercy ruled.

Now normally I don't give a shit about being mercy ruled. It's happened before. But in the very least, the umpire allows us to finish out the inning, especially when we have time remaining. And if he had called it, I wouldn't have been annoyed, but the fact that someone over on the other bench pointed it out? Dick move. Seriously diiiiiiiiiiiiick move.

And that got me thinking. What are the biggest dick moves that you can pull in rec league softball? Like, what are the really annoying things that people do that show that: a) they take the game way too seriously, b) are overcompetitive assholes, or c) are simply assholes? Well, here are my top five ...

1. Taking an extra base when the play is clearly over and the infielder is simply getting the ball back to the pitcher. Thankfully I've seen a crackdown on this, where the umpire will call "Time!" before this can happen, but I have played plenty of teams where a runner will run for the next base while you're getting the ball in after the play is over. Of course, the bad thing to do is actually try to get him out because that will result in an error and another base. I know it's a mental thing, too, in that you'll get really frustrated by having someone do this to you, and I know it technically is legal, but it seems like cheating to me. Like, let your next batter get you over.

2. Taking a walk when you are more than three runs ahead. Look, I get it if you're in a close game, especially one of those "you get two, we get two" games that really comes down to the wire. That's when you go ahead and be patient with the pitches and take a walk, especially when you're in a coed league that allows guys to take second (this way you can't pitch around the guys to get to the girls). In cases like that, every runner counts because that can be the difference in the game. But if you're kicking serious ass and you're taking balls that are only slightly out of the strike zone? That's bullshit. Grow a pair and swing the bat.

3. Chatter that involves making calls or inappropriate banter with the umpire. There's cracking a few jokes with the ump about a call or banter nicely between opponents ... and then there's making jokes with the ump every inning to the point where you wonder if the ump is wearing the opposing team's jersey underneath, or yelling "BAM!" every single time a batter gets a hit. The worst, though, are those who call "SAFE!" or "OUT!" on close plays. Uh, last time I checked ... YOU WERE NOT THE UMPIRE, ASSHOLE!!!

4. Sliding when it's not necessary. I do this. Probably more times than I should. I used to do it all the time in college, but in my defense it was on those days when the turf was wet and if you've ever slid on wet artificial turf, it's REALLY fun. But did the guy in tonight's game really need to beat out the throw to third with a Pete Rose-esque head-first slide? I wouldn't bet on it.

5. Filing a protest. The mother, I think, of all dick moves in softball. Unless the game is a playoff or championship game, do you really need to call the league office and file a protest because a call was too close or one of the people on the other team is actually someone they picked up at the last minute so they didn't have to forfeit?

I often wonder what really goes through the heads of those people who have to go all out like that because they have to win. Can't you just have fun and go for beers afterwards? I mean, I'm kinda glad that next Thursday will probably be my last game.